To come out? Or not to come out?
By tim_pez, 2nd Feb 2012 | Follow this author
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Posted in WikinutFamilyDaily Life
So far in the closet you're in Narnia? Scared to tell people? My experience wasn't a walk in the park but the best decision I ever made. Here's what happened....
Dont be scared :)
The first thing to remember is being gay/lesbian/bi is not a choice. This is just part of who we are.
Growing up in a run-down old council estate was not a barrel of laughs and made me think quite early on that I wasn't 'normal' like my friends.
That's the second thing to remember - There is no such thing as a 'normal person.'
I felt out a place when it came to sports and discussing who in my year was 'fit'
I don't mind playing rugby or football but I would rather sit and draw or go shopping.
Incidentally since leaving school and seeing my old school mates I was amazed at how many people came out as gay and lesbian. All the teasing we gave each other is rather ironic now.
First gay experience
I don't actually remember my first time very well. I know a lot of alcohol was involved and the fear, shame and embarrassment of it ate away at me for weeks.
We shall call the other man Bob :)
I was 16 the first time we slept together, Bob was 19. I knew him because my best friend introduced us at a party and he needed somewhere to go after he missed his train after a party.
The first night is a blur but the morning after was uncomfortable. I wasnt ready to admit my sexuality and now someone I barely knew had found out my secret.
(Just to point out protection was used)
I was terrified that Bob would tell my friends and family what happened until he told me he was in the closet also.
Needless to say Bob missed a lot of trains over the next few months.
skip to coming out
So 2 years had passed now, Im 18.
I was still in the closet.
I hadn't seen or spoke to Bob for a year (He was more scared coming out than me) and all that remained was guilt, shame and self loathing. Many flings happened over the last year each one pushing me further into the closet.
I set a timescale in which I decided I would come out. It came and went. Again and again. Eventually I started talking to a guy (who I'm still with now) and it was him that told me I either come out or he walks.
Yeah you guessed it. I was terrified.
I wrote my coming out speech in a text and pressed send to all. It may of been a cowards way of telling people but it took me 3 hours to press send. After which I hid in my room.
I was living with my aunt at the time and she knocked my door and told me it didn't if I was gay or straight its all about being honest with yourself and accepting yourself for who you are. That is the third thing to remember.
My brother on the other hand strangled me and we had a little fight before he told me he always knew really.
and now?
At this moment I could not be happier. My sexuality wasn't the only major thing to burden me ( see my other pages :P )
I have never been as confident as I feel now, living with a secret is like your own personal jail.
My only regret is that I didn't come out sooner. I thought coming out would ruin my life but in actual fact it has made me proud and happy.
Finally
There are a lot of haters of there and I'm not sugar coating the verbal abuse I have got or how certain people in my life have disowned me because of my sexuality. If these people cant accept me for who I am then I really don't need them in my life.
My experience has been a strange one. Some of it I just cant write down.
I wrote this so that not just those who are struggling to come out can read it but also their friends and family. This is a lonely time in some peoples lives. A hard lonely time. Sometimes all we need is to know is that we have support there.
There is always going to be someone who doesn't agree with homosexuality.
My tip? Hold your head high and be proud of who you are.
Comments
3rd Feb 2012 (#)
A very good coming out story. Thanks for sharing with the wikinut community.
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3rd Feb 2012 (#)
I have a friend dealing with the same thing right now. he has a very religious family and is terrified of the backlash he will receive if he comes out. It really is a sad thing that people are not more tolerant and understanding.
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6th Feb 2012 (#)
Tell me about it, even in this day and age. Support really can do wonders to people in this situation. Just knowing at least one person will be there for at the end of it all it like a weight off
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5th Feb 2012 (#)
A brave and important article! Thanks for raising awareness here at Wikinut.
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20th Feb 2012 (#)
Still a controversial issue I can gather from the article and comments. As David Reinstein says, I concur. Thank you for sharing.
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