Telemarketers Know and Call When it is Dinnertime

thestickman By thestickman, 7th Mar 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Daily Life

Telemarketers always seems to call at the wrong time, and they are persistent in their hype. Act now, -before your neighbor does!

Telemarketers are Ruthless: They Know When You Sit Down To Eat Before They Call

Seriously, I think that they wait for my family and I to sit down for dinner just in time for their important call.

Sometimes I like to play their head game and punk them a little bit. Make them think they’ve snagged a motivated customer with dispensable cash to part with.

One such series of calls I used to get typically involved me having been selected to receive one of three “major prizes” in a Grand Prize Semi-Finalist drawing that will occur in the near future. Three “Grand Finalist” Prizes are up for grabs, including one ‘major prize’ that is questionable and dubious of nature…

I Won! Again! -What Are The Odds?

Example: “…Congratulations (insert MY name here, -incorrectly pronounced by someone whom sounds like a 7-eleven or “Quick-E-Mart” owner thank-you very much)! You have won one of these three major prizes! Either a (insert model year here, usually, current year) Cadillac Seville that seats your entire family including grandma and pet fido, an all-inclusive 7-day 6-night all-expenses paid vacation for two to your choice of either the Mexican Caribbean, Hawaii or Dominican Republic, or, a genuine 35MM camera!” And for all of this gratuitous windfall, -all I have to do (get ready for the other shoe to drop!), is lend my name and my likeness to their advertising of their exclusive herbal-balanced colloidal plant-extract vitamins AND, subscribe to their delivery of said vitamins to my home twice-monthly for just 12 easy monthly payments of just $49.95!”
(-Wonderful, wonderful!! Am I not lucky or WHAT?)

What Did You Win?

Well, you just KNOW that first off, the “major prize” you have won is going to be the cheap simple-reflex all-plastic (probably disposal) 35MM camera with a retail value of under ten dollars.

And for the privilege of having been selected (culled for shearing, as all good sheep like to be sheared once or twice yearly), your photo can be taken with said cheap camera (post it on your BLOG site!), showing your shock & amazement at your stupidity for having signed up for automatic credit-card debits of just under $600.00 worth of worthless generic vitamins that give you and upset stomach and turn your pee bright lemony-yellow.

I have not been so duped, but I do love to “play” these people… I tell them that ‘…my doctor recently diagnosed me with chronic vitamin deficiency and wants to begin taking vitamins and getting more sunshine.’ or some such lie. The person of the other end of the phone starts to get excited; -you can hear it in his/her voice! We bait each other on, little by little until I say that I’m ready to buy, and have my credit card right here and “…oh, -just a minute there’s someone at the front door. Hold the call please and let me go get rid of them. I’ll be right back, -hold on, okay?” And I put the phone down, put on my jacket and go out for pizza and soft drinks leaving them hanging on the phone, running up their phone bill and messing up their daily quota of suckers (oops, I meant CLIENTS).

I did this once and came back some 20 minute later (with take-out pizza, Coca-Cola and a rental DVD to reward myself for having not been duped) and the guy on the other end of the phone WAS STILL THERE, waiting for me!! Still there, -willing to talk!! A bit impatient, but still on-hold! Amazing! Too bad my attitude had not improved by that point, he still thought that I really wanted to “take possession” of the “Genuine Japanese Motorcycle” that I had won (all I had to do was pay for shipping, handling and Import Duty, from Japan. -A mere $595.00 total!)

This is about 50% more than the cost of a new “Moped”, -those motorized mini-motocycles. But THIS “Genuine Japanese Motorcycle” I had found out previously through my 45-some minute interrogation of the telemarketer was it only has one spark plug, and is a 2-stroke engine (this means that you mix the gasoline with oil, so it technically is NOT a “motorcycle” but a “limited use vehicle”. A Moped. Think “chain saw engine” on a bike frame.)

I also found out that this “Genuine Japanese Motorcycle” was only something like 48-CM tall at the seat! “One foot” is 30.48-CM so this is even smaller than a scooter most likely.

Yours truly folks is a MONSTER of a man. At 6-feet 3-inches tall and over 260-lbs I could snatch that thing up the way King Kong grabbed Faye Wray and run away with it tucked under my arm! I am just sick and tired of people like this hawking their clown ware upon hungry people just sitting down to the supper table. I wish that I had the gift of spontaneous gab and could “put them on” more than I do. I 'punk' the spam caller, bigtime!

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author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
7th Mar 2011 (#)

I get lots of telemarketing calls at work. At home we are saved due to the fact we have dial up Internet, and either my wife of myself is always online!
I gotta share this on Facebook though!.

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author avatar MidgetGem
6th Aug 2011 (#)

Putting them on hold while you go out for pizza is a good idea. I think I might try that one next time they call me.

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