Reality of Agape Love in Marriage: Is sex Condemned in the Bible?
In response to one of the 5 series of the teaching-Biblical Love Psychology, a lady said God in the Bible condemned "Sex" and sex became an active form of intimacy in Man after His fall (eating the forbidden Fruit). In response to that, I have taken my time to elaborate properly that Sex is God's own creative invention in Marriage for the two to become one. Let's read more to find out!
- Sex from God's View!
- Sex is not just for producing Children!
- Husbands, Love your wives!
- When we deviate from God's Intention
- Pregnant Unmarried girls!
- The Facts!
- God and The Devil both at Work!
This series which has 5 episodes have taken my Love adventure to the next level. We talked about Love in the first series "Biblical Love Psychology" Which was incorporated in it, 5 different episodes, then we went next to explain how this Psychology is applied into our relationships and proving it is not just a Psychology written in the Bible for us to read like a passage, but rather a practical reality. And it was explained in 5 episodes of the series "Practical Application of Love". Now, we talked about the Agape Formula and even explained a graph on how we can achieve the Agape Love in our marriages (applicable to other forms of Love as well) and make us have an everlasting Marriage here on Earth.
All I am trying to do in this series is just to let us see how practical everything we have said about the Agape Love can be in our marriages. Mind you, this is not teaching you on how to go about your marriage, but to let us know some basic principles and Truth about what the God in the Bible expects of us in marriages and as well clear some doubts on some certain controversial issues in the Bible which includes this one (Sex). Shall we now begin?
Sex from God's View!
The pure, true teachings of the Bible produce unbelievable happiness in marriage! For example, the Bible teaches that:
1. Sex in marriage is not "dirty" or shameful, but something God-given, pure and ennobling:
So God created man in His own image,.....male and female........And God blessed them, and.....said....Be faithful, and multiply (Genesis 1:27,28).
Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whore-mongers and adulterers God will judge (Hebrews 13:4)..
The Greek word translated "bed" means sexual intercourse. It is "undefiled" in marriage, as God intended it to be. It is phenomenal that two healthy married partners who are true to each other never develop a venearal disease! Is God trying to say something to us?
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed (Genesis 2:24,25)..
Sex is not just for producing Children!
What does this tells us? God invented sex to be a pleasure to the man and his wife, without shame or guilt. The Old medieval Catholic idea is not from the Bible, that marriage is only for producing children, and especially not for priests or sisters who devote their lives to religious work. "Marriage is honorable in all," including clergy! "One flesh" means happy married sexual love. With God's blessing, sexual intercourse in marriage makes husband and wife to be "one flesh" as long as both shall live. It works! God's plan is effective, and it is best.
One text of the Bible has often been misread and misunderstood. It is Paul's statement, "It is good for a man not to touch a woman." This has been superficially assumed to teach that sex is inherently evil, and that if you want to be a really good Christian, you must never get married at all, or if you do get married, don't have sex. This is ridiculous and completely false. The marginal reading of the Bible tells is clearly as Paul wrote.
Now, to deal with the matters you wrote about. You say that a man does well not to marry ["touch a woman (K.J.V). But... every man should have his own wife, and every woman should have her won husband (1 Corinthians 7:1-2).
It is wicked fanaticism to teach that marriage and sex are inherently evil. The Creator wrote love and marriage into the unfallen nature of humanity in the Garden of Eden. Any teaching contrary to what God Himself has written within us in beyond to lead to disaster. The 'song of songs", or "Solomon's songs," is a book in the Bible that has puzzled people for thousands of years. It speaks openly and frankly of the delights of sexual love. Why is the book in the Bible? We can mention two important reasons: it teaches that happy sexual love is God's gift to mankind, to rejoice in and to be thankful for; and such pure love is a symbol of the love of Christ for His Bride. This is what love between man and woman points to, and this is the reason why Satan is so diligent to corrupt that beautiful symbol.
Husbands, Love your wives!
Secondly, the grace of God gives husband and wife a love that endures as long as they both shall live:
Close your heart to every love but mine: hold no one in your arms but me. Love is as powerful as death; passion is as strong as death itself. It bursts into flame and burns like a raging fire. Water cannot put it out; no flood can drown it. But if anyone tried to buy love with his wealth, contempt is all he would get (song of songs 8:6,7).
This is the kind of love our Creator intends us to know and to enjoy, the gift of God to all willing to receive it. "He maketh His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust" (Matthew 5:45); and Christ is "the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world" John 1:9). Those who say that such love is impossible for fallen man to know are correct up to a point, for we are not capable of such love 'strong as death." But "we love, because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19). The Lord never tells us to do something unless He gives the grace to make it possible. By looking to Christ, we can learn what the real thing is:
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it...... So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones" (Ephesians 5:25-29).
So, from the Biblical Love Psychology, we said love is all about the soul-to-soul connection. And sex here was said to be one of the products of attraction which are meant to make the Love work. The attraction exposes us to Love, but does not keep us in Love. One of the ways which strengthen the soul-to-soul relationship is exhibiting the products of attraction and in this case, it is sex. Sex is meant to strengthen the Love and make the Bond stronger... Is this is a Biblical Truth as we have known earlier, there is no way God would be against it IN MARRIAGE.
When we deviate from God's Intention
The loving Creator intended marriage to be a "help-mate" arrangement, in other words, an unending blessing, a union of two lives where fornication, adultery, abortion, or prostitution simply cannot exist (from what we have already learnt). But the brutal facts are that these things flourish in our modern world. Why must this be so? "An enemy hath done this", sowing tares in the good garden the Lord planted (Matthew 13:28). By corrupting and poisoning male-female relationships, Satan has succeeded in making life nearly a hell on earth for millions of men and women. Are we getting too spiritual here? Let's take some time out to read more.
Pregnant Unmarried girls!
There is a story about a boy (17 years) and His Father 50 years. They were both watching a documentary about the spread of HIV/AIDS and Hepatitis B globally and a shocking statistics showed that despite the invention of family planning and precautionary measures, the prevalence of these ailments still are at an uprising. The then asked what the precautionary measure or family planning during his dad days and the answer from his dad was very simple "Marriage" The Man further said, once you really are in love with someone, what are you then waiting for?
This illustration should not be misleading, especially to youths who are not yet ready to take up extra responsibilities, but the point here is, since the products of attraction in eros Love (sex, romance, kiss etc) are expressed only in Love to strengthen the soul-to-soul connection (from our previous series on Biblical Love Psychology), you should only exhibit these products of attraction only when you are in Love and in other words, only in marriage.
We also went further to see the dangers of expressing these products when not in Love (2nd Sam 13:1-15). But sometimes, there are also biological repercussions such as pregnancy. Let's find out some facts relating to this. These facts are mainly practical to the developing countries (even though the evil syndrome is already infiltrating into the developed Nations), so, just in case you find some weird it is maybe because its not a case nor isn't rampant where you are. Nonetheless, they are facts or Truths affecting other lives elsewhere in this World we live in.
Consider the usual pregnant, unmarried girls and the torture that millions have gone through:
1. the girl's shame before family and friends kills her inner sense of self-respect and dwarfs her person-hood for life;
2. her education is always handicapped even if by a miracle she later can resume it partially
3. she must endure pregnancy and its attendant burdens without the help God intended her to have-a loving, sustaining husband, and the admiring, congratulating support of happy relatives and friends;
4. even if she marries the father of her child, the beautiful happiness God intended is crippled by a sense of guilt and loss of respect for the man who made her pregnant. Also, the father may not be ready to take responsibilities and can still be walloping in the pleasures of his youthfulness, making her and the child secondary to his priorities or even less important in his Life. (though this depends a lot)
5. Her inability to rear the child in an ideal situation of parenthood leaves a life-long nagging sense of failure, because she never knows the joy of motherhood as God intended-that her child should truly revere and respect both parents forever.
6. in too many instances she is deprived of marriage and feels she must turn to prostitution in order to support herself and child.
These cases are very predominant in the developing world. It could be that in the developed world where the government cares for its people, these points may not be rampant, since the Child can be catered for, irrespective of whether it has parents or not. All the same, on a general note, they do happen.
How else can her life be described except in terms of slow murder and suicide or at best, slavery? what is the difference between murdering a person when her life is half over, or depriving her of half (or more) of her real life while she still struggles for existence? And don't forget, the man who made her pregnant won't get off easily. Not all punishment is reserved for a hell after one dies. If he runs away and leaves the girl to care for the child, he cannot repress an inner guilt. Whenever he hears of a homeless waif in trouble with the police, he will wonder if it might be his child. He can't forget, even if he tries. Even drowning himself in liquor won't help. And his Cadillac Jeep won't make him happy either. There are animals that are famous for their devotion to one mate and their offspring, such as the Canadian timber wolf; and the African Hornbill bird that makes its nest in the Baobad tree faithfully cares for his mate all through the long time she is hatching and rearing the young ones. Is man lower than animals? Is this actually what God intended for us?
God and The Devil both at Work!
One can now see both God and the devil at work all around one: God's existence is seen by the yearnings for true love that are natural to every human heart and the occasional fulfillment of those yearnings in a good marriage. The devil's existence can be seen by the almost endless misery that wrong sexual relationships produce. It is safe to say that some of the heart-sorrow in this world is the fruit of wrong sex in one way or another. And much of the true happiness in the world comes, under God, from the right exercise of human sex. ,
Even nations become strong and prosperous, or weak and poverty-stricken, according to how the people enjoy male-female happiness in harmony with our Creator's plan. A senior District Judge in the United States, Luther Youngdahl, lamented the breakdown of sexual morality, saying, "There is an ominous similarity to the disintegration of the family when Rome declined." Indeed, when great nations have lost sight of true sexual morality, they have always gone down the drain. No Sodom and Gomorrah can survive very long. Satan wants to destroy the prosperity of the Third World nations through this tried and proven method of inner defeat. He is already succeeding in the west, if there were somewhere a nation living truly according to God's plan for sexual fidelity, it would be respected by the entire planet and become the acknowledged leader of human progress everywhere. Is there any nation in the world ready to fill this vacant place of leadership? All over Africa, thoughtful people deplore bribes and corruption. What is the root of this corruption? Disobedience to the law of God, the same source as of sex corruption.
Right human sexuality is a product of a right relationship with our creator who is also our savior.