Reality Of Agape Love In Marriage IV: The Foolish Risk of Letting Third Parties In Our Marriages
We are still talking about the practical reality of the Agape Love in Marriage and in the Biblical Love Psychology series (part IV in particular) which talks about working for Love to make it grow, we learnt, there are some certain things we need to do to preserve or strengthen the Soul-to-soul Union, this is one of it!
Exposing family affairs to the society does not help at all, especially if there are problems in the family. This is because rumor-mongers are always on the look-out for individual domestic trials. Many marriages have broken up as a result of gossip. Each time a misunderstanding between a wife and a husband occurs, it is grossly exaggerated and sensationalized. And as you may know, wherever a third party is involved, things never sort out by themselves.
Sexual intercourse is to "Know"
There are certain healthiness in been open; but basic human nature is the same everywhere and so therefore, the standard still remains the same-both the husband and the wife need complete privacy in their sexual and domestic love. This is taught in the Bible. The songs of songs describes a relationship of husband and wife that is utterly private: "Promise me, women of Jerusalem; swear by the swift deer and the gazelles that you will not interrupt our love" (3:5). The idea is that in the family circle, there is a privacy into which no one else is to intrude at any time.
The Bible term for sexual intercourse is "to know". For example, we read that "Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived" (Genesis 4:1). Only a woman's husband is to "know" her. This means that husband and wife share together an intimacy of "knowing" each other that is not to be spread abroad to others. Neighborhoods sometimes become gossip centers where women openly discuss the secrets of their sexual relationships with their husbands. In this wordly way, every woman comes to "know" every other woman's husband. It is a verbal form of adultery. Peter mentions those who "count it pleasure to riot in the day time, having eyes full of adultery, and that cannot cease from sin" (2 Peter 2:13, 14). There are ears full of it, too. Among the things which must not be once named among you, as become saints are filthiness, foolish talking, jesting (Ephesians 5:3, 4).
Your Sexual Lives should be Private
Husbands and wives, do not shame each other by telling others in your home towns about your faults and failings. You may say, I don't know how else to get him/her to change! But that is the "under the law" method, not "under grace." You don't try to shame someone whom you love; and shame is a very poor incentive for improvement. It produces bitterness and resentment. No one can do his or her best under such an atmosphere. If a husband knows that his wife is telling the neighbors or relatives about his faults, sexual or otherwise, he will feel bitter inside. Instead of wanting to come home at night, he will stop at the bar. And that's where all kinds of troubles begin!
This is not focused only in the negativity. Also in the positive aspect. Some men are found of praising the sexual abilities of their wives amongst their fellow friends or even colleagues when they come together. Well, you think you are doing a good thing and crowning your wife in front of your colleagues but that is also wrong. This may create jealousy and may worsen some relationship somewhere which is already becoming bad. One of your friends who is not too impressed with his wife may hear your 'gist' and take it home. And use it as a yardstick to complain to his wife and seriously, you do not know how that marriage may end up. Also, most people believe, men talk about the intimacy of a woman who happens to be too cheap for them or even a prostitute. Even on a normal dating relationship, if a man truly loves his girl, whatever intimate thing they share would be kept secret by him. Then how much more of a wife? Has she now become cheap?
Keep the gate tightly locked to that little inner circle of your husband-wife relationship. Let each of you have the firm confidence that one will never betray the other, as Judas betrayed Christ to His enemies. Healing can come if there is confidence.
If you enjoyed this, you can check out the previous three episodes of this series:
Is sex condemned in the Bible?
Love of One Man for One Woman
Equality in Marriage.
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