Practical Application of Love: Love is a Personality and Not a Feeling

Funom MakamaStarred Page By Funom Makama, 19th Feb 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/25g1cicx/
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

WE have been talking about Love in the previous series: Biblical Love psychology. Now we want to see how such psychology and what we have been discussing through 5 episodes can be applicable and practical in reality. Some comments in reaction to the series were quite pessimistic about Agape Love in particular, so let's find out if it is possible to apply what we have learnt.

Introduction!

It is not that Love can't or is not felt. But it is beyond that. Love is far more realistic than just a mere feeling. A feeling is something you experience personally through your mind or senses. Hence we humans feel hungry, feel sad, feel excited, feel scared, used, etc. But personality itself is defined according to the Oxford advanced Learners dictionary as various characters combined together to make an individual unique from others. How then is Love a personality?

The Personality

Just as you feel hungry, when you eat, that feeling disappears. What about sadness? A person could be sad for various reasons, but if those reasons are to be checked and given solutions, such a feeling will disappear. So in general, feelings are usually temporal, they do not dwell in us 24 hours a day and 7 days in a week and continuously like that. Feelings are mere expressions of how situations affect us. If a guy is slapped on the cheek, his reaction or expression would be anger. So also, if a girl is deceived and used by a guy, she will feel contempt and sad over the guy. Is this how Love is?

A guy once said that he cannot go for a girl until he feels love for her. Then I guess, he will live forever without having a woman of his Life. Love begins from a mutual feeling of the parties involved, and then comes the close attraction and if this attraction is there, a guy can dwell on this or build on it to Love. It will be very difficult for one to love another (romantically) from a distance. Whatever feelings the person has for the other, it is simply mere attraction, but as they get closer, know each other better and work things out together, Love will suddenly come naturally, even without both parties knowing. So, it is not real if a guy wants to fall in love with a girl from a distance before approaching her. A normal attraction with a genuine intention is enough for the guy to approach the lady.

You can die for Love, just as you can die for anyone. You can work hard for Love, just as you can do the same for anyone. You can build on a feeling (attraction) to achieve love, and all these doings are only possible on a personality or person. Can we die for Hunger? No rather hunger can kill us. Can we die for fear or work so hard for fear? Of course No! No matter how we hate ourselves, we will never even think of working so hard for fear, but rather fear can make us work so hard to escape danger or whatever we fear. If we can see this as it is then Love itself is far more than a mere feeling.

There is a common saying which is: 'Lovers are fools'. This is absolutely true! It is due to the doings, activities and actions lovers take towards each other which make them seem foolish. These various actions put together is what makes others surrounding them believe they are in Love. In fact, there are instances whereby people in love do not want to confess it. But the way they act towards each other can tell if truly they are in love or not. If this is the case, then Love is something which should be lasting, forever flowing. No wonder there are faithful couples who still celebrate 50 years of marriage. Why does it work out for them and doesn't work out for others?

The answer is simple! As we have defined personality as the various characters exhibited by an individual which makes him unique, so is Love. You don't just love a person and seat on the sofa staring at them. There are actions, characteristics you both would share which will keep you going in Love. And hence what may work out for Mr and Mrs A, may not work out for Mr and Mrs B. And for the fact Couple C are always engaging themselves in some specific romantic events to keep them going in Love does not mean couple D would have to use the same formula for theirs to work. In every couple, they need to work things out, find out for themselves what the ingredients are and are the basic and unique characteristics they need to share in order to maintain them forever. In as much as Love is something to be enjoyed, it is also like an institution whereby, you need to constantly learn, work well and give it your all in order to enjoy it to the fullest. Is there any feeling where you do such things or dedicate such energy?

Love is more than a feeling

From our context here, any feeling which seems so strong as though is Love is still not Love, provided a close link is not established or a soul-to-soul relationship is non-existent. From our previous series we realized that strong feelings (attraction) are still superficial no matter what and what makes them seem strong is their great effect on Hormones. So, if we assume Love with such strong Hormonal action and take this into marriage, there would be a very huge problem. And that is why there are rampant break-ups between the young and divorce between the married. "This marriage isn't just working" is not a yardstick to file for a divorce. "I do not feel anything anymore"; "I am confused and I cannot think about us in the right manner. This is all about me and not your fault" are all not a reason to break-up, if truly we entered into such relationships with the hope to truly love. You, both can always work things out if you want to; you can always try to see how far it can go. Unless, if after such, nothing positive is coming forth or you are been taking advantage of. But the main point here is, if you were dumped by a loved one, it is not the fault of Love, but rather the human attitude. If you caught him cheating, it isn't because of Love or that you love him too much, NO! It is because he cheated on you and so you should blame it on the 'human-doing' and not Love. If she is not giving you the attention you deserve, despite your hard work and passion, you are not suffering this experience because you love her too much, NO! It is because she maybe is not ready for such commitment, so it is either you try to work it out or you know your stand with her and leave. Love itself is pure, truthful, kind, not boastful, helps in times of need, humble and many more positive attribute. Of course we cannot say such about anxiety or sadness or hunger. No wonder some great religious books define God as Love.

On a final note, this should serve as an encouragement for those who had experienced hurt. Do not blame it on Love. In as much as you would want to be precautious towards your next relationship, open your heart to Love. After all, if you close it, who is losing? You may end up putting yourself in the worst state ever. You close your heart to love, then what? You may end up been blind on the serious and worthy guys and then falling for a tough guy who will break the hardened heart. What if he causes what you most feared, what next? As for the few modest guys in this our contemporary world, who want to date girls in a sincere manner, waiting to fall in love before approaching a girl is not the best formula (If you are already beginning to connect soul-to-soul wise) and loving her from a distance is not reality. Feel free to ask a girl out when you begin having feelings for her. This is of advantage in two ways: firstly, if she says no, you are just attracted to her and hence you may not feel to hurt for the disappointment. If peradventure you started something nice with her (building into Love) and you realize you two are not compatible at all, it enables you amicably leave the relationship with much ease, than when compared to when your emotions/feelings are already very intense for her.

When you are sure the attraction is genuine and sincere. Then if she says "YES" you can build on this wonderful feeling into the most mysterious phenomenon God has given us, which is called Love!

You can become a writer like me and get paid as you write even more than I do. If interested, just come here and register.

Tags

Attraction, Couples, Foolish, Fools, Heart Break, Hot Romance, Hunger, John, Lennon, Love, Marriage, Personality, Romance, Sadness

Meet the author

author avatar Funom Makama
A medical Practitioner and a passionate writer. A proud published Author of 2 books, more than 2,000 articles online and 100 Poems!
funommakama.org
drfunommakama.com

Share this page

moderator Mark Gordon Brown moderated this page.
If you have any complaints about this content, please let us know

Comments

author avatar Funom Makama
21st Feb 2012 (#)

Thanks a lot Mark!

Reply to this comment

author avatar Sweet Suzy
22nd Feb 2012 (#)

this is nice

Reply to this comment

author avatar Funom Makama
22nd Feb 2012 (#)

Thanks sweet suzy

Reply to this comment

author avatar Lambasted
22nd Feb 2012 (#)

Excellent!

Reply to this comment

author avatar Funom Makama
22nd Feb 2012 (#)

thanks dear.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Lambasted
22nd Feb 2012 (#)

where do you actually get the inspiration from?

Reply to this comment

author avatar Funom Makama
22nd Feb 2012 (#)

From God... Blended with daily wisdom, insights and shared experiences from books, friends, senior ones and loved ones.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Lambasted
22nd Feb 2012 (#)

This is nice, I so admire you.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Funom Makama
22nd Feb 2012 (#)

Thanks my dear..

Reply to this comment

author avatar pretty_writer
22nd Feb 2012 (#)

What am I missing? Great work and congrats on the series of STARS and as well the Black Belt.. You have reached the peak already.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Funom Makama
22nd Feb 2012 (#)

thanks a lot pretty writer!

Reply to this comment

author avatar pretty_writer
22nd Feb 2012 (#)

hmmm! That was so fast. Why not I suggest you write an article in reaction to Aiyanna's claim on Christianity not approving sex... Such a Doctrine is outrageous and if that is true, then it will change my perspective about Christianity.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Lady Aiyanna
23rd Feb 2012 (#)

In the beginning God created the world and there was both male and female that was created named Adam and Eve. They were specifically told not to touch the fruit on the Tree.
Eve was tempted by the serpent and then touched the fruit and shared the fruit with the male and the two of them had sex for the first time.
When God came to speak with them he found them hiding and in the corner covering their bodies.
That was when they were banished from the Garden of Eden and the woman was given the pain of childbirth and pain that pricked the feet etc.
That is what I quoted from the Bible.
Study the First Five Books of the Bible: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deutoronomy. They are written by Moses.
I was trained with the Bible since the age of fivem, a chlild artist from the Bible from that age and come from a Syrian Catholic Priest family with my own churches, schools and properties that spans generations.
Go read the Bible again before quoting me wrong...

Reply to this comment

author avatar Funom Makama
22nd Feb 2012 (#)

Its an excellent suggestion pretty_writer and I am already working on my last series which would have 6 episodes and one of them would be talking about the Biblical view on Sex.

Reply to this comment

author avatar pretty_writer
22nd Feb 2012 (#)

Great... Also from Aiyanna's expressions, I could tell she had a failed marriage due in part largely to the behavior of her Man (though a one-sided story anyway).. So, why not make it 7 episodes by adding the Biblical view on the relationship between the man and the woman in Marriage.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Lady Aiyanna
23rd Feb 2012 (#)

How about adding the fact that the choice of an affair and sleeping with a man is largely in the hand of a woman who no doubt has the hole but has the choice of who can enter and exit it as that is like the house which one protects. Its not for a man to protect, its for the woman alone.
I chose not to be with a man, not that my husband doesn't want to come back after gallavanting around and giving me picture proof of it too. I told him leave and be happy, forget he had a wife and son.

I need to be an example to my son, I choose to be a good example so that he follows the same principles I was instilled with by my family and the church as a child and grows up to be a Better Man than what his father was.

I took the choice of not going back for him. He told me why do you need to go back, I am happy with my mother.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Funom Makama
22nd Feb 2012 (#)

Well noted! I am thrilled you follow my work, even to the most insignificant activity it attracts. I am very happy and grateful for this. Actually, I think two of my six episodes in the next series have covered that already. One will talk about the Biblical view on equality in marriage, while the other will talk about the basic concept of marriage where One man should marry one woman and stick with her. All are packages under construction.

Nice work pretty writer and it shows you are actually following me. I am still waiting for your next article, its been a while.

Reply to this comment

author avatar pretty_writer
22nd Feb 2012 (#)

I am working on a lot of stuffs, I will soon explode.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Funom Makama
22nd Feb 2012 (#)

Ok!~~~ We wait.

Reply to this comment

author avatar pretty_writer
22nd Feb 2012 (#)

We? LOL!

Reply to this comment

author avatar Funom Makama
22nd Feb 2012 (#)

Yeah, I and other followers of yours.

Reply to this comment

author avatar pretty_writer
22nd Feb 2012 (#)

Ok!~~ Thanks!

Reply to this comment

author avatar Funom Makama
22nd Feb 2012 (#)

you are welcome.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Lady Aiyanna
23rd Feb 2012 (#)

Love to me is respect of the other person and the feeling has to be mutual wherein both have the similar feeling rather than causing problems and frictions with half-baked information.
Sex is not the be all and end all of a marriage, it is the outlook you have towards a relationship that makes a marriage work.
I come from a family which has till death do us apart. I am not divorced, just separated and have taken a vow of celibacy.
Love is is not totally a personality, it is the upbringing that a person has.

Funom just one question:

If a prostitute has a lovable personality does that mean a married man can fall in love with her and do what he wants with her???

Tell you what, think you and I need to meet face to face and then you can be the judge of my personality before saying things about who and what I am. I mean that. Find my address and trace me out I am in Auckland, New Zealand and I look just like the photographs I put up.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Lady Aiyanna
23rd Feb 2012 (#)

Love is more of a magnet that attracts and it is to do with your aura, soul and spiritual connections. Personality of a person is set between the age of 0-6 and what happens post that are individual perceptions, attitudes and beliefs which can be changed based on personal experiences through out life. It is this bit that influences a person in love not the personality. The personality is the unchanging characteristic of the person that is embedded for life.
So love is a feeling not a personality as that is what influences the persona you make of yourself.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Funom Makama
26th Feb 2012 (#)

you really do not understand this article at all... You just read it like a kindergarten book... read it again! @Aiyanna

Reply to this comment

author avatar Funom Makama
23rd Feb 2012 (#)

Have I said anything about whom or what you are? Oh my dear Aiyanna, you talk as if this was targeted straight at you. Love is a personality on its own and totally does not depend on one's upbringing. If a child is brought up not to know Love but to know evil (experiencing his Dad beating up his mum always, always scared of his parents and always gets irritated by his siblings), then we can say, this person is yet to experience Love, but when he does, it becomes a different ball game all together...

I think, Aiyanna, you just read my articles like a story and you do not take your time to assimilate them. You are the sole reason of writing this, after reading much of your comments on my Love series.

From what I believe in (The Bible), here is a definition of Love "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. "

Now, some of us see love as a feeling, be it innermost or just mere. Nevertheless, we have other feelings such as excitement, anger, joy, anxiety, fear, hunger, sadness, sorrow, optimism etc. Which of these can you concretely describe just the way Love was described here? None! Can you say Anger is Patient? No! Can you say Joy never delight in wrong? No! So the point here is, Love is much more than a feeling, it is a personality on its own and whoever is in Love will do all the virtues entailed in Love. If someone loves you, that person will do his best never to hurt you, never to fail you, to be patient with you, to trust you and be trusted, to never delight or record your wrongs and so on~~ This is what it means! If someone does not exhibit any of these virtues, then check the person, maybe he doesn't Love you. So please Aiyanna, I really wish you take your time to read my articles properly, I do my best possible to explain them (even with illustration) as explicit as possible.

As for your question, what do you mean by Lovable personality? From your question, it is clear you did not even get the meaning of this article or most probably, you did not even read it. Love itself is a personality (not referring to the Lover) and whoever is in Love, exhibits the virtues of the personality in Love. So, first of all, there is a question Mark with that phrase "Lovable personality" To cap up the misleading meaning of your question, I would say that No Man has the right to marry a woman and do whatever he wants to do with her. Yes!~~ This may be happening, but it does not mean it is the right thing to do and that is why I am taking my time to teach these doctrines in series for us to really understand. I am privileged to come from a Home filled with Love and for the more than 27 years my parents are married, We the Kids see Love, we experience Love, we dine in Love and we share the Love and that is why these articles I write are not just mere theories or psychology, I still extend them to the practical aspect (as you can read right now). But peradventure a Man falls in Love with a Prostitute, that is to say, he is not minding the fact she is a prostitute, He will love and respect her as she is, trust her, be patient with her, try not to fail her and other virtues encripted in the personality of Love. This is exactly what this article is talking about and I hope when you come back here to review my reply to you, you will fully assimilate and understand.

Once again, in real life there are practical situations where people suffer a lot because they Love someone (just as you have portrayed time and time again). It does not mean the fault is because you loved the person, and then you blame it on Love. Love is universal and it is the same, its just the principles you apply to make it works that is making it seem diversified, so if peradventure, you are not Loved, it doesn't mean Love does not exist in this present generation.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Funom Makama
23rd Feb 2012 (#)

Once again Aiyanna, I am not doing this to mock you or spoil your name. In fact it is meant to help you. Even though to a large extent, there is nothing you can do about a Loved one who does not Love you back, but see things in the light of how I portray them, should we now say Love does not exist? If there is no Gold In Newzealand, should we now say there is no Gold at all in the world?

The problem you face is from the human endeavour (your loved ones~~~Just as I have mentioned time and time again) and not LOVE itself. My series is preaching and teaching on LOVE and if we are to take human endeavour into consideration, then there are a billion illustrations we need to consider when making our analysis. So, Love is a personality and not just a mere feeling.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Ivyevelyn, R.S.A.
26th Feb 2012 (#)

This analysis of love is appreciated. However, do you think that someone can carry all this knowledge and apply it and still fall spontaneously in love.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Funom Makama
26th Feb 2012 (#)

Ivy, by the word spontaneously, you mean?

Reply to this comment

author avatar Funom Makama
26th Feb 2012 (#)

@ Aiyanna, thanks for quoting the Bible, I still do not understand where the Bible condemned sex before the fall of Man. Or are you saying God banished Man from Eden because He can now have sex? Lady Aiyanna, why not read these articles and see their applications instead of all the counterattacks? If you do not believe in the Bible, fine!~~ But please do not make another person disbelief because of your shallow knowledge of the word.

And secondly "Eve was tempted by the serpent and then touched the fruit and shared the fruit with the male and the two of them had sex for the first time.
When God came to speak with them he found them hiding and in the corner covering their bodies. "

Are you serious? Where did you get that from? Please Aiyanna (the Bible student and expert), can you give me quotations? I have read the Book of Genesis 3 times in the space of 6 hours now and I did not find such a thing, can you please quote a verse? You watch some Youtube funny videos on the creation and then you come here and state them as Biblical Truth?

Once again, Aiyanna, please, do not give comments on my Biblical articles. From now henceforth, I will delete them all.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Ivyevelyn, R.S.A.
26th Feb 2012 (#)

Funom: I meant if one falls in love without applying the knowledge you are giving us. Now I am questioning my own question.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Funom Makama
26th Feb 2012 (#)

Yeah, @ Ivy, your question is quite ambiguous... Now, how do you fall in Love without applying this knowledge I give you?

Reply to this comment

author avatar Barine Nakwaasah
2nd Mar 2012 (#)

You are so good. Keep this up!

Reply to this comment

author avatar Funom Makama
2nd Mar 2012 (#)

thanks and welcome to wikinut.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Ms. Ann
7th Mar 2012 (#)

Funom, Very provocative article. I say this in light of what is happening in our politics. Interesting.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Funom Makama
7th Mar 2012 (#)

thanks a lot Ms. Ann

Reply to this comment

author avatar Vernazoa
13th Apr 2012 (#)

Funom, This is wonderful! What a great writer you are. Another site for you to earn money is YahooVoices.
Love is not something you put in a box, it's the prize for your heart. Let it fly!

Reply to this comment

author avatar Funom Makama
14th Apr 2012 (#)

thanks vernazoa for your encouraging words and info

Does Yahoovoices give more than wikinut?

Reply to this comment

Add a comment
Username
Can't login?
Password