Practical Application of Love: Love is a Personality and Not a Feeling
WE have been talking about Love in the previous series: Biblical Love psychology. Now we want to see how such psychology and what we have been discussing through 5 episodes can be applicable and practical in reality. Some comments in reaction to the series were quite pessimistic about Agape Love in particular, so let's find out if it is possible to apply what we have learnt.
It is not that Love can't or is not felt. But it is beyond that. Love is far more realistic than just a mere feeling. A feeling is something you experience personally through your mind or senses. Hence we humans feel hungry, feel sad, feel excited, feel scared, used, etc. But personality itself is defined according to the Oxford advanced Learners dictionary as various characters combined together to make an individual unique from others. How then is Love a personality?
Just as you feel hungry, when you eat, that feeling disappears. What about sadness? A person could be sad for various reasons, but if those reasons are to be checked and given solutions, such a feeling will disappear. So in general, feelings are usually temporal, they do not dwell in us 24 hours a day and 7 days in a week and continuously like that. Feelings are mere expressions of how situations affect us. If a guy is slapped on the cheek, his reaction or expression would be anger. So also, if a girl is deceived and used by a guy, she will feel contempt and sad over the guy. Is this how Love is?
A guy once said that he cannot go for a girl until he feels love for her. Then I guess, he will live forever without having a woman of his Life. Love begins from a mutual feeling of the parties involved, and then comes the close attraction and if this attraction is there, a guy can dwell on this or build on it to Love. It will be very difficult for one to love another (romantically) from a distance. Whatever feelings the person has for the other, it is simply mere attraction, but as they get closer, know each other better and work things out together, Love will suddenly come naturally, even without both parties knowing. So, it is not real if a guy wants to fall in love with a girl from a distance before approaching her. A normal attraction with a genuine intention is enough for the guy to approach the lady.
You can die for Love, just as you can die for anyone. You can work hard for Love, just as you can do the same for anyone. You can build on a feeling (attraction) to achieve love, and all these doings are only possible on a personality or person. Can we die for Hunger? No rather hunger can kill us. Can we die for fear or work so hard for fear? Of course No! No matter how we hate ourselves, we will never even think of working so hard for fear, but rather fear can make us work so hard to escape danger or whatever we fear. If we can see this as it is then Love itself is far more than a mere feeling.
There is a common saying which is: 'Lovers are fools'. This is absolutely true! It is due to the doings, activities and actions lovers take towards each other which make them seem foolish. These various actions put together is what makes others surrounding them believe they are in Love. In fact, there are instances whereby people in love do not want to confess it. But the way they act towards each other can tell if truly they are in love or not. If this is the case, then Love is something which should be lasting, forever flowing. No wonder there are faithful couples who still celebrate 50 years of marriage. Why does it work out for them and doesn't work out for others?
The answer is simple! As we have defined personality as the various characters exhibited by an individual which makes him unique, so is Love. You don't just love a person and seat on the sofa staring at them. There are actions, characteristics you both would share which will keep you going in Love. And hence what may work out for Mr and Mrs A, may not work out for Mr and Mrs B. And for the fact Couple C are always engaging themselves in some specific romantic events to keep them going in Love does not mean couple D would have to use the same formula for theirs to work. In every couple, they need to work things out, find out for themselves what the ingredients are and are the basic and unique characteristics they need to share in order to maintain them forever. In as much as Love is something to be enjoyed, it is also like an institution whereby, you need to constantly learn, work well and give it your all in order to enjoy it to the fullest. Is there any feeling where you do such things or dedicate such energy?
Love is more than a feeling
From our context here, any feeling which seems so strong as though is Love is still not Love, provided a close link is not established or a soul-to-soul relationship is non-existent. From our previous series we realized that strong feelings (attraction) are still superficial no matter what and what makes them seem strong is their great effect on Hormones. So, if we assume Love with such strong Hormonal action and take this into marriage, there would be a very huge problem. And that is why there are rampant break-ups between the young and divorce between the married. "This marriage isn't just working" is not a yardstick to file for a divorce. "I do not feel anything anymore"; "I am confused and I cannot think about us in the right manner. This is all about me and not your fault" are all not a reason to break-up, if truly we entered into such relationships with the hope to truly love. You, both can always work things out if you want to; you can always try to see how far it can go. Unless, if after such, nothing positive is coming forth or you are been taking advantage of. But the main point here is, if you were dumped by a loved one, it is not the fault of Love, but rather the human attitude. If you caught him cheating, it isn't because of Love or that you love him too much, NO! It is because he cheated on you and so you should blame it on the 'human-doing' and not Love. If she is not giving you the attention you deserve, despite your hard work and passion, you are not suffering this experience because you love her too much, NO! It is because she maybe is not ready for such commitment, so it is either you try to work it out or you know your stand with her and leave. Love itself is pure, truthful, kind, not boastful, helps in times of need, humble and many more positive attribute. Of course we cannot say such about anxiety or sadness or hunger. No wonder some great religious books define God as Love.
On a final note, this should serve as an encouragement for those who had experienced hurt. Do not blame it on Love. In as much as you would want to be precautious towards your next relationship, open your heart to Love. After all, if you close it, who is losing? You may end up putting yourself in the worst state ever. You close your heart to love, then what? You may end up been blind on the serious and worthy guys and then falling for a tough guy who will break the hardened heart. What if he causes what you most feared, what next? As for the few modest guys in this our contemporary world, who want to date girls in a sincere manner, waiting to fall in love before approaching a girl is not the best formula (If you are already beginning to connect soul-to-soul wise) and loving her from a distance is not reality. Feel free to ask a girl out when you begin having feelings for her. This is of advantage in two ways: firstly, if she says no, you are just attracted to her and hence you may not feel to hurt for the disappointment. If peradventure you started something nice with her (building into Love) and you realize you two are not compatible at all, it enables you amicably leave the relationship with much ease, than when compared to when your emotions/feelings are already very intense for her.
When you are sure the attraction is genuine and sincere. Then if she says "YES" you can build on this wonderful feeling into the most mysterious phenomenon God has given us, which is called Love!
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