Healing from Divorce and the Feelings of Damaged Goods
This article is a testimony of faith and healing in the aftermath of divorce. Too often people feel as though their lives are ending.
- Divorce is not the end
- You are not alone
- We are surrounded by it
- Jesus died for our sins. A sin is a sin, and we are all sinners.
Divorce is not the end
For every human being who has ever been through a divorce, for whatever reason, this article is for you. It is also for those people who have not been through a divorce, and do not understand the pain and emotional turmoil that goes along with it, although I am quite certain everyone has felt the effects at some point in their lives. It's time to set the record straight.
You are not alone
The statistics are clear, our society is divorcing at an alarming rate. We could spend years trying to dissect the reasons why and the ways to avoid it, and we will discuss that from time to time on our site, but today we are talking about the reality of it. The pain that a person feels when they are divorcing the person that they, at one time, planned to spend the rest of their lives with is unfathomable to those of us who have not endured it. No matter which side of the situation you are on, it is a life altering event for both parties and their entire families.
We are surrounded by it
When you pass by the magazine rack at the grocery store, count the number of breakup and divorce headlines on the covers of the magazines. Do it, just once, and then compare that to the number of headlines that read "Happy couple stays together for life!" (I have yet to read one that says this). The simple fact is that our society is geared toward the propensity for failed relationships. And when I say "our" society, I am including Christians, all of us in this country, everyone. No one is immune to a failed relationship, for whatever reason. People are fallible, emotional, impetuous and we all make mistakes.
In today's world, and especially in our country, we have become fat with the notion that things should come easily. We are surrounded by temptation and the liberal ideal that somehow it is OK to commit sins as long as there are so many others doing the same thing. It is what I call the "bandwagon effect". Just as children will chide one another into doing things so that they feel less guilt about doing these things themselves, so do we as adults and so does our society.
Does the Bible condemn those who are divorced? Absolutely not.
Certainly the intent of a union wherein a man and woman leave their families and cleave to each other as one flesh is that it will be an absolute, and that it will last for life. But there are a myriad of lessons from God on the topic of infidelity in any marriage (referred to as fornication in most passages). And this is the number one catalyst for divorce. Additionally, there are passages related to the marriage of a Christian to a non-believer. And someone who abuses their spouse, abandons their spouse or otherwise degrades the sanctuary of their marriage is, in no way, a believer.
“If the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace” (I Corinthians 7:15) Translated simply, this means that the one who has initiated the divorce (the unbelieving) is leaving one who is then free from any sin in the eyes of God. This is especially reinforced for those with children in other passages wherein God has freed them to marry again, in part to support the children.
Jesus died for our sins. A sin is a sin, and we are all sinners.
People who go through a divorce often go on to live a much happier and more fulfilling life. There is always hope for a better future and there is no reason to hang onto the scars of the past. How do I know this? Because Jesus died on the cross for our sins and to ensure our forgiveness for eternity. It is the greatest insurance policy imaginable. "This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins." Matthew 26:28
Let's be clear on this, I am not an advocate of divorce by any means. It is far too often caused by factors that we, as humans, can control. The media practically promotes the idea, and our society embraces it as the norm in many cases. I am writing this for those people who simply do not have a choice, have been the victims of infidelity, other abuse or have been abandoned by their spouse. And for those who have been through it and feel less than whole, that their future is bleak or are afraid that it has somehow impacted their relationship with God in a negative way.
If you are divorced, divorcing or part of a relationship that is leaving you no choice but to end it, you are not damaged goods. You can take the first step toward your future by moving forward, or you can continue to hang on to the pain and possibly even guilt to the detriment of your future. Find solace and peace in your relationship with Jesus, and everything will fall into place.