He still sees his ex on the side
By RaydaJ, 25th Mar 2012 | Follow this author
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Posted in WikinutFamilyRelationships
Dealing with an ex lover who can't let go and still asks her ex to do things for her
You don't need another sister
Maintaining a good relationship with your man is hard work and it is difficult enough to repair cracks in the courtship, but it is especially painful for you that whenever his ex-lover calls for one thing or another, he drops everything to go and see her. It does not matter what time of the day or night it is, if the rubber washer on the tap becomes faulty or she needs to talk to him, he is off. You believe him when he says the other woman is just like a sister to him now, but you don’t need another sister and do not need an extra person in your relationship; a couple means two.
What women want from a man
Most women will tell you that they are in a relationship because of the intimacy it affords them and that for them it is not just about sex. A woman wants a strong man in her life; one who can protect her and make her feel safe and one who can discuss all his innermost feelings with her. This is her domain, not the domain of an ex girlfriend. An ex-girlfriend must know her place. If it happened once, that’s okay; if it becomes a habit, it is not acceptable. And your lover must know this. An emotional relationship is far more dangerous than just a casual exchange of bodily fluids.
Remedying the situation
This need not be a difficult task if you handle it well; there are enough books on dating and relationships that you can check out to give you some ideas. The most important thing, however, is to approach the discussion you will have with dignity and without being accusatory. Tell your lover that you cannot play the third wheel in your courtship and that it is not a bad thing to tell his ex girlfriend that she should not come between them. These are jungle tactics where the male lion roars and all the females do his bidding. Roar back. Tell him that you absolutely believe that he is just friends with the other woman, but that his allegiance is with her and not someone he has broken up with. Buy her a special gift and give it to her over dinner.
http://www.raydajacobs.blogspot.com
Comments
25th Mar 2012 (#)
Well if he is going to see the ex on the side, it means he still has feelings for her and needs to work out where he really wants to be, the current relationship he is in or the previous one.
It is different though if there are children involved as they bring about a different dimension wherein they are created by the secretion of body fluids, not necessarily with love but it always takes two to tango on a Disco stick or the magic wand as they call it or what ever.
Emotional relationships show that there is commitment in the relationship which may not be the case with the callous other.
While moving on may be part of life, one should understand that a relationship is not a game of truth or dare and 15 minutes in heaven, its the heart that is played with and many do commit suicide because of it and some choose never ever to love again or be with another man as long as they are alive (like in my case).
I am divorced, just separated so my ex is still my current but I never go running back to them for favours as I have my own self esteem, moreover, I am the handyman who did the house maintenance not him.
As far as intimacy goes, well, its in the mind, who do you love and want to be with, its not always a man, can live without them, they are not the be all and end all for a woman, just objects needed to make a baby.
Well that is why the husband and the best friend (who took me to court, even better, not the husband) both got the royal kick out because of their unreasonable behaviour which could have been discussed and assuaged over a cup of coffee rather than this huge drama. I chose to dump both as one just didnot believe in the truth and the other just distorted the truth and killed any chances of of emotional acceptance and friendship from my side as it taught me how to love solitude and my own voice alongside writing.
So get the ex sorted by finding out where the priorities lie and if you really want to make the current relationship work, leave the city and leave no forwarding number or just change your job and contact details.
I did the latter.
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26th Mar 2012 (#)
Good advice Lady. I can't tell you how happy I am since I've gone solo. I love being with men, having fun, shooting the breeze, going out, but he must go home to his own place.
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25th Mar 2012 (#)
Just leave.And tell them to go to hell.Then find a real man.
You will know him when you see him.
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26th Mar 2012 (#)
As I said earlier, I just want the laughter and the fun; no one comes home with me. Thanks Lady and thanks Mikey.
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