Forgiveness Is Not Easy: It Is a Choice

By Zach3000, 8th Oct 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/gu54080z/
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Religion

Are you good at forgiving? Some people are not. They internalize their emotions, allowing the hurt to build up until they reach a breaking point, at which they explode, leaving a path of anger-fueled destruction. Find out out about forgiveness so you can live a better life today.

The Story of Two Monks and One Woman

Two monks

Forgiveness is directly linked to your mind. You have to intentionally make an effort to let something go. Let me give you an illustration.

Have you heard the Buddhist story of two monks and one woman?

The story goes like this:

"Two monks were strolling by a stream on their way home to the monastery. They were startled by the sound of a young woman in a bridal gown, sitting by the stream, crying softly. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she gazed across the water. She needed to cross to get to her wedding, but she was fearful that doing so might ruin her beautiful handmade gown.

In this particular sect, monks were prohibited from touching women. But one monk was filled with compassion for the bride. Ignoring the sanction, he hoisted the woman on his shoulders and carried her across the stream--assisting her journey and saving her gown. She smiled and bowed with gratitude as he noisily splashed his way back across the stream to rejoin his companion.

The second monk was livid. 'How could you do that?' he scolded. 'You know we are forbidden even to touch a woman, much less pick one up and carry her around!'

The offending monk listened in silence to a stern lecture that lasted all the way back to the monastery. His mind wandered as he felt the warm sunshine and listened to the singing birds. After returning to the monastery, he fell asleep for a few hours. He was jostled and awakened in the middle of the night by his fellow monk. 'How could you carry that woman?' his agitated friend cried out. 'Someone else could have helped her across the stream. You were a bad monk!'

'What woman?' the tired monk inquired groggily.

'Don't you even remember? That woman you carried across the stream,' his colleague snapped.

'Oh, her,' laughed the sleepy monk. 'I only carried her across the stream. You carried her all the way back to the monastery.' (Leave it at the Stream, Fast Company.com)"

The story of the two monks is a perfect example of how our minds work. We are quick to see and point out the flaws in another person, yet we don't examine our own lives and consider first our own sins to take before God.

In fact, often times a person that points out flaws in other people do so because they are seriously struggling with the very issue themselves, and it especially annoys them to see other people doing it.

Forgiveness starts with making a mental effort not to keep a running tab of the shortcomings of others. Doing so indicates that you are being self-serving, only taking account of these things to use as defense ammo at the opportune time in the future.

In fact, Jesus says in the Bible to examine our own lives and reflect on our own sins before we point out the sins of others.

Matthew 7:4-5 (NIV) - "How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."

Practical Application: If you truly forgive, you will "forgive and forget." That means even if your mind does remember the bad event in the future, you will let it go, and let the memory of it die by not bringing it back up.

If you are having trouble with your mind, then it is time you go to the Bible and memorize verses that will help you focus on God, and not hold on to malicious thoughts of others. The Bible says we should take every thought captive, making our minds obedient to Christ, by demolishing every argument and pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God (2 Cor 10:5).

A personal favorite verse of mine to get my mind refocused on God is:

Isaiah 26:3 (NIV) - "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."

Opportunities to Change

rock in hand says plz forgive me

Only you know the capacity in which you struggle to forgive others. If you find yourself in a moment in which you realize you normally fail, then you have an opportunity to change yourself.

It is only when you realize that you are dealing with a problem, that you can make an intentional choice to change your behavior.

So the next time you are at a crossroads where someone does you wrong, tell yourself that it wasn't personal, they did not direct their transgression at you, and move on. Don't harbor ill will towards anyone, because unforgiveness is a sin and will affect your relationship with God.