Don't Be a Victim of Domestic Violence
Domestic violence comes and many shapes and forms. Acknowledging the abuse isn't always easy. Save yourself and your children before it is to late. Find true happiness without violence.
Recognizing the Abuse
After living through an abusive marriage for nearly thirteen years, I finally got smart and left. My hope is that noone else goes through it and if they do they don't go through it for that long.
There are different types of domestic violence and each one of them takes a major toll on the victim. Domestic violence is being abused in some manner by a family member and it doesn't always have to be physical. It isn't always the spouse that is being violent either. Although in most cases it is the spouse that is inflicting the pain. One of the very first things you need to do is recognize the abuse. When the abuse is physical it is easily acknowledged, but mental abuse may not be as easy to see.
Different Types of Domestic Violence
There are numerous types of abuse and it is important to know about them all. Everything from verbal abuse to keeping you locked in the house and not letting you leave without them going with you. Ofcourse, you know the physical type of domestic violence is when your spouse hits you. All they have to do is hit you once for you to be a victim of domestic violence. I always thought he would change because he constantly apologized. That doesn't happen without some sort of drastic actions and even then it may not change. I had my finger broken in front of my children. He would destroy meals I had loving prepared for the whole family, there was major verbal abuse too and then he would go on fits and destroy my home. Everything from just throwing things around to mess up to breaking things that meant alot to me and to the kids.
Children can be victims too. Everytime you let them witness some sort of violence or temper tantrum like I mentioned above, they are involved and therefore suffering.
Ways to escape
You may have to start planning your escape now and not be able to actually do it for a few weeks or months. However, my suggestion is the first oportunity you get to leave take it. It doesn't matter if you are pennyless and can't pack up. You and your children are more important than anything else. There are shelters that will protect you and take you in. You most likely have a family member that has just been waiting for you to leave.
I called the shelter and then one day I told my husband the kids missed the bus and I would be right back. He had no idea I had threw what I could in garbage bags and thrown them out the window to pack them in my van. I did all this as quickly and quietly as I could. I had also been taking small amounts of cash from the checking account (which I had made and was the only one working) and stashed it so I could get the kids out of that mess. So I told the kids to get dressed for school and never told them what we were doing until we were on the road.
Naturally, when I had been gone for quite some time he started calling my mother wanting to know if I was there. I asked her to tell him that I had called and said we were in a battered woman shelter and I couldn't call anymore or tell anyone where I was. The truth however was that I was there with my mother and father trying to figure out how I was going to get my life back on the right track. He eventually quit calling and by telling him I wasn't there but in the shelter he didn't ring the phone off the hook.
I registered my kids for school and found a job. Within a month I had begun my divorce. Eventually, we talked but he knew it was over and he had went to far. Yes, he begged me back, but finally I had wised up to him.
You just have to remember that you are worth more than something to be beaten or verbal abused. Keep your head up and remember the things they say are to keep you down so you don't have enough faith in yourself to get away.
I got my divorce and around three to four years later I met the man of my dreams. He treats me better than I ever thought possible. I have moments when I remember what I went through and this made it hard on my husband and I for a while. He hung in there and told me he would help me get through it. Every day he reminds me I am safe and he always tells me he loves me.
Sometimes it may take going to counseling to be able to get pass the things you experienced. Don't let that make you feel bad, because you are not the one who caused any of it. Keep in mind that soon the nightmares will stop and you won't be afraid. Talking to someone, even if it isn't a counselor is an important step to healing.
Know that you are important, know that you are beautiful and know that you have a future without violence.
I hope that you find the happiness and love that I have found and can one day help someone in the same situation that you survived.
You are a survivor!